About Me

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Georgia, United States

Monday, January 17, 2011

Doing pretty good............

Here I am, 17 days into the new year. I'm liking the direction things are headed for me. I certainly can't expect them to change overnight. If only it were that easy. But, things rarely are. I've not been on a scale to check if I've lost any weight or anything like that. I just know I feel better. I know the hat I'm wearing in that picture on my Facebook link fits better than it did when I bought it a couple of months ago.

I think the possibility of my head shrinking, be it literal or especially figurative, is a good thing. I could absolutely use a little more humility in my life. It's not that I need to believe in myself less, quite the contrary. I just think I could stand to think of others before myself again. I've developed very selfish habits over the last 20 years or so, particularly in the last 6 or 7.

I lived my life up into my early 20's for other people. Trying to make others happy, often at the expense of my own happiness. Then one day, I just decided to do what made ME happy, be who I am. If people didn't like me for it, so be it.......it was a THEM problem. It was actually very freeing and fun for a long time. But, then I got married and it really had no place for me to be so selfish anymore. I put it away, somewhat. I'm sure it was a big part, though, of what came to end our marriage.

I'm sure people wonder why I'm still married. I will explain it. We orignally seperated over 5 years ago. We didn't get a divorce at first because she's Catholic (and they frown upon that still) and maybe there was still some sort of hope we could figure things out. Then our son came along. We didn't divorce then for tax and insurance purposes. But, at that point came the understanding about when the day would come to make it official.

Maybe she had some alterior motive for asking to move back into my house with our son. She may still hold out some hope for us. I've asked her and she's always denied it, but sometimes actions speak so much louder. It's a tough spot to be in. Trying to do what's best for my kid, and also not wanting to be an ass to his mother. She's still my friend and will always be a part of my life.

To that point, the divorce papers have been finally drawn and will be filed this week. It still doesn't change the living situation, that's becoming a huge thing to deal with. But, it's another step down the road to getting where I want to be. I just wish it were easier. Maybe it will make me appreciate it more having to work so hard for it.

Now, for the song of the day. It's entitled "The Shape I'm In" by Arc Angels. This band was a coming together of members of Stevie Ray Vaughan's band Double Trouble, and members of The Fabulous Thunderbirds......of which his brother Jimmie was a member. It was, to this point, a one time deal. But, they made some good music. I'm a HUGE fan of the Texas blues sound. So, like the song says..........I'm doing pretty good, for the shape I'm in.

Time now for my walk, then off to work.


  1. It's not fair to any of you to live in limbo. It's there or it's not there... and if it's not there, if you're not going to recommit to your marriage, it needs to end. In my opinion.

  2. I agree with Heather...it is fair to no one to be in limbo. I am glad to see you taking the steps you feel you need to do to make yourself happy.