First off, I had my weekly session with Doc Martin. It was very productive, and I had quite a few things to talk about. More on that later............
Then, I drove to the Hall County courthouse, wich isn't far at all from doc's office. THE DIVORCE PAPERS ARE FINALLY FILED!! It's going to be until the end of March before our first (and hopefully, LAST) mediation is scheduled. There shouldn't be anything to fight over, so they should schedule a date for the final proceedings then. At least I am hopeful that's how it's going to work out.
I must admit, I cried a little as I handed the papers over to be notarized by the clerk. Not out of sadness. It was hope, mixed with a little frightened, for what's ahead of me. I know I'm on the right path. I'm just sure of how to get there. I know I'll figure it out, though.
Now, back to my session. I've done a lot of thinking lately about this blog. It started a few days ago, but then really set to roost yesterday. When I couldn't think of something to write. I wondered, why I would even bother if I had nothing to say. Like I felt I HAD to post something for whomever may be reading this. That's not how I should look at my blog. I talked about perceptions and my reason for this blog before. Perception is that I'm doing this all for attention.
Then, I had a talk with a friend last night about it. The question came up as to why I feel the need to have an audience. That if it were just about me, it would be a journal.........not a blog. Truthfully, I do have hope that someone else may get something out of this blog as I make the journey. That I may be of some help to someone other than myself. That way of thinking may be a little big flawed, though. Doc and I talked about it. He originally thought the blog was a good idea. For it to be a way to shoo away the ghosts of my past by bringing them to light.
SO.......I've decided that, for now at least, I'm going to stop this blog. I have to make sure that I'm doing it for the right reasons. I need to know that I'm doing it for what I NEED.........and not what I want. I think it may be better to really get in and do this in private......on my own. I don't want to feel like I'm some dancing internet monkey.
I may be back once I figure this all out. The blog may be back like it is, or it may come back in some other incarnation. I may choose to write about something I love and am passionate about. Only time will tell.
I think you all very much for the time you invested in the car crash that is my life. I hope to see you soon.
I leave you with one last Marc Broussard song.............