I caught a progam on public broadcasting last night called "ADD and loving it". I was diagnosed as ADD back in the mid 70's, when they were just starting to figure it out a little. I went to therapy and took dexadrine. I was, supposedly, only a moderate case. Though, by modern definitions, I was what they NOW call ADHD. I was very hyperactive. I got in trouble a lot because I just couldn't sit still.
As I watched this program, I saw many things that still apply to me today. It got me wondering if it's possible I still suffer from ADHD. So, I've been doing some research after I got home from my walk.
By the way, it was rather windy outside during my walk, as this serious winter storm makes it's way into Georgia. We're supposed to get hit pretty good Sunday night into Monday morning. Well, pretty good for Georgia. Anywhere from 4 - 10 inches of snow topped with ice. And therein lies the issue. The ice. It will hover around freezing, a lot of time below, for the better part of the rest of the week. It's gonna be bad, I'm afraid.
And that right there is a prime example of how my mind tends to work. I start with something and then am easily distracted by something else. Tangents. They are a huge part of my life, and I'd be ok without them. The good thing is, when things are under fire, I am usually very calm and take care of things.
So during my research this morning, I came across this list of possible symptoms. Let me go over a few.
Chronic lateness and/or forgetfullness. I'm almost never late. I tend to make a point to be punctual, even early most times. Forgetful? ABSOLUTELY! I tend to not always hear what someone is saying to me, especially if they're saying it to me as I'm involved in another task. So, I have ways of acting like I heard them. Then when the subject comes up again, I have no recollection of the conversation. This was something pointed out in the tv show. I KNOW I do this..........A LOT. Just ask any woman I've ever been involved with.
Anxiety. Yep, I get it. A lot of it comes from not knowing what's going on in my head. The fact that I've tended to underachieve in my life. I should be miles ahead of where I am.
Low self-esteem. I struggled with it for many years. I think I'm finally in a place where I'm ok with who I am. I at least have some understanding of WHO I am. But there are still times....re: the underachieving.
Employment problems. BOY HOWDY, have I had issues with that over the years!
Impulsiveness. CHECK! It can be fun, at times, for the people in my life. That I can be so spontaneous and fun in the moment. But, I can also see where it can be aggravating and costly. The things they put by the registers to sell was MADE for people like me.
Substance abuse or addiction. This one has never really been me. I've certainly dabbled with a few substances in my life. I had a cigarette habit, though I quit 14 years ago. I could have been diagnosed with having a porn addiction as a teenager......lol. I guess I might have an issue with food, or at least not good for you food.
Poor organization skills. DING DING!
Procrastination. Another winner!
Low frustration tolerance. I'm not sure. I can and do get frustrated, at times pretty easily. I just know it takes me a good bit to get MAD, though.
Chronic boredom. Yep. I like to keep my brain stimulated. I'm not good at just sitting around and talking. My brain is always on.
Difficulty concentrating when reading. Sure. If it's not something that interests me, I tend to just browse over it and try to catch some major points.
Mood swings. Really.....who doesn't have those?
Depression. I would say there have been a few times that I've been depressed, looking back. I'm in a depressed state right now. I'm making my way out of it, though. With therapy, and I've also been on St. John's wort for a few months now. I think the diet and exercise will also help with that.
Relationship problems. Probably the one that hurts me the most. Almost every relationship I've had tended to last awhile, though all have ended. And usually because of something wrong done by ME. Like I mentioned in my first post back on New Year's, I have a tendency to self-destruct things that make me happy. I'm trying my best to figure out why. I've been let down by a lot of people in my life. Maybe that's my mind's way of protecting me from being hurt. Although, it always hurts when the relationship ends anyway. It takes a special person to be able to deal with some of the issues that ADHD brings into it.
So, Dr. Martin and I need to have a very serious discussion about trying to diagnose if I still have ADHD. It could quite possibly put an end to most of my problems. We had very briefly discussed it in our early meetings, but next time we'll really get into it.