As I sit here typing today's entry out........I AM WORE SLAP OUT! I spent the better part of four straight hours digging my car out of the snow and making my driveway and my street safe enough to get out. My driveway is an incline. The street I live on is an incline. So, I had a LOT of digging, shoveling and breaking up of ice to do. Thw nice thing was the neighbors (some of us) coming together and making my street passable. A couple of them just used our hard work and went about their merry way. Stupid foreigners. (That one will make at least one person laugh if they read this)
So, no walks for me today. But I got WAY more of a workout today. My back is sore. My shoulders are sore. My legs are a little sore. I feel like I just started P90X. I see a hot bath and some sort of adult beverage in my immediate future.
I'm glad it looks like I'll be getting out and about tomorrow. The big therapy session happens! Is it weird that I'm excited by the prospect of this meeting? I've done more reading over the last several days about ADHD, and I truly feel that's what I've got........lol. Therefore, I'm hoping that there'll be some sort of medication(s) prescribed and I can settle my brain down some. I can start to focus better. I can start to deal with things better. I can start to come out from under (or fromunda) this cloud a little.
I think it may even help me sleep better. I have times where my mind just will not shut down when it's time to go to bed. And heaven forbid that I wake up to go to the little boy's room or something in the middle of the night. It's ridiculous trying to get back to sleep. I've tried valerian root, and it helps a little.
My main thing is, I want to feel whole. And, as someone once said to me, I want to feel permanent. I want to feel like I can wake up and the day is MINE. Most of all, I want to be happy with myself, to love myself....then I can start being what the people I love and care for the most need me to be.
It's been unbelievably hard to have to kind of put people on hold while I'm trying to deal with me. But, my feeling is that it's better to be able to give them me completely, than only give them half. Wilson Pickett once said.........99 1/2 just won't do. I'm getting there............